Up The System!, or Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

OK guys, hello, this is the Author of the Blog here. Nigel Chee, that's me.

So I've been tweaking the blog a lil' bit, the most evident change is of course the list of songs on the right of the page, which can change from time to time, and I haven't really decided on. Oh well, that's the Soundtrack of My Life (Haha Nigel Chin)

But what you may not know is that I have also changed my comments posting format. This time, you won't leave the page you're currently on (i.e. Ma Blog) and go to that isolated area just to leave me a comment. This time, the page just reloads and you can drop a comment on my blog page itself! Isn't that just dandy?

And no, I'm not getting a chat box ^^

I Blame Wendy, or Boys! Grab Your Guns

Ugh. Feel so emo. Where does that word come from anyway? Emotional? Yeah, maybe that's what I am right now. And the worse part is that

I don't know why. But now I'm really angry for missing out on everything that I thought I was going to go through. I thought of everything, you know? Finishing SPM with my friends, going to birthday parties, laughing over the stupid things we did.

So hard it is for me to laugh now. All I can manage is a fake smile that hopefully gets me through the day. I can't sleep properly (it's 2am now). At least a bit of my apettite's returned a bit, I used to be able to go through two days without feeling eating and not feeling hungry.

I hate all this pretending shit. I wish someone would just like run me over or something. Then I wouldn't have to go to school.

You ask me a year ago whether it was possible for me to be this unhappy? Nope. And don't call me short sighted, you presumptuous assholes. You don't know what I'm going through so I'm tired of hearing you all trying to talk to me as if you understand.

Feh.

Gone Just Like That, or Feel Good Drag

So today after school was supposed to go for Physics make up practical, but I skipped it (I'll be going on Monday, haha) so I could go see a movie with Daniel, my classmate. He was supposed to go with a bunch of friends, but all the friends who were supposed to go from our school all balied on him, so since he didn't want to be the only guy I decided to go with him, and some of his Indonesian friends (who are all girls) from another school (Daniel is an Indonesian scholar). Eventhough like it was sure to be a bit uncomfortable for me ( I can't speak Hokkien for nuts and my Indon isn't too much of a big deal either) I didn't mind because I wanted desperately to watch Harry Potter and the Prince Who Lost Half of His Blood.

So we took the mrt to Orchard to meet his friends at Cathay (which me and Daniel had no idea where said location was) at 3.15, when his friend told him that the movie started at 3.15 instead of 4.30. So we were like, ?, and we kept walking, because we were'nt exactly late. So we eventually found it and waited there past 3.15 until his friends turned up at 3.35, then one of them went to change and we were like ridicolously late for the movie, and when we got to the cinema one other friend who had the tickets wasn't there and we were all like wondering what on earth was going to happen, so his friend called the ticket-holding friend and she was like in Dhoby Ghaut (which is another Cathay) and all of us were like ><

So we were all like HAHHHHH, but then the ticket-holding friend said she managed to change the time to 4.30 at Dhoby Ghaut, so we walked over to Dhoby Ghaut Cathay to watch Harry Potty! I watched it finish and I can only say one thing: SOMEONE BUY ME DRACO'S MALFOY'S SUIT. That suit is bamming man. Wow. All black.

My opinion? 2.30 hours, disappointing ending. How can the Death Eaters just walk out without getting confronted by the Order of the Pheonix? What a sad sad ending. Sad as in "I'm dissapointed" sad not the "This movie was so moving!" sad. Here and there funny lah. I think Ron did the lovestruck scene quite well.

Anyway, after that just me and Daniel went to the MRT station cos he was going back and I was going to Orchard to possibly look for a new pair of headsets (Yes, I know, don't lecture me). I walked around Orchard Road on a Friday night and wow, it's alive. So yeah, in the end headed to Takashimaya with the intent to go buy a book to read, and bam I saw:

I hope you're seeing this Kim :)

SO after that didn't really know what to do, so headed to Lucky Plaza to take a look, but just to look, because I didn't want to get potentially scammed. Again. Went to the MRT station in Orchard to get my MRT card changed for a new one, then I decided to go to this store that had a sale that we passed on the way to Dhoby Ghaut. Took the MRT to Dhoby Ghaut and then went to this store where I went a bit crazy and started trying on tons of clothes. Wanted to get alot of clothes, sadly no sizes...

But hey! In the end I bought 1 Long sleeve Shirt, 2 short sleeve shirts and 1 t-shirt for only s$41.20! What kind of crazy price is that? And I must say, I did a pretty good job myself ^^

I wanted to head back, so I was making ma way to the MRT station at Dhoby Ghaut, when I spotted Plaza Sing, which was where I bought my speakers last time, remember? So, hoping I could get a pair of headphones there, I went in to take a look at BEST (some Tech store), but all they had were headphones for Skype and the like, so I left, dejected and disappointed. Decided then to take a walk around Plaza Sing, and ON THE SAME LEVEL, I found a store SOLELY dedicated to SOUND. Speakers. Headsets. The works.

*The choir sings.*

I was like, Ironic much? so entered the store and started looking at the headsets there, and they're the good type, like Ultimate ears, Sony, Senn smth and yeah. So there was me browsing, when this young lady sales assistant person came up to me. I asked whether it was possible to test this Sony I was looking at? She said no. So I said which is the best she would recommend in this price range (s$50)? She directed me to another section where I tried headphones again and again with my trusty iTouch. In the end I settled for this Creative, which I made her take out, and if I didn't pick that one, she would have to repack it, so I did do her a little favour XD

But yeah, I'm quite happy with my purchase. It's this obnoxious big pair that I've always wanted to have, so when I'm not using it I can just hang it around my neck for convenience sake. Ah, contentment.

After that, ate McD, read my new book, used my new headset, then finally went back to the boarding school, where I blogged about my superbly eventful day. There goes my cash.

"But I am the Chosen One."

*Whack

Random Days, or It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door

It's prep time, but Kai Shin was on Yahoo! home page (he always reads the news for the day), and apart from the headline that read 'Lady Gaga surprises- by dressing conservatively', he pulled my attention to the screen because today was apparently "National Junk Food Day"

I know right? Wtf much?

So he showed me the website which apparently has a list of random and crappy holidays, such as Just Because Day, I Forgot Day, Father-in-Law Day, etc.

Almost every single day has some holiday to it, and I'd like to try living next year like that. See lah, heheh.

The website is http://holidayinsights.com . Browse if you seriously have nothing better to do. Or if you do, make some time to immerse yourself in Junk Food.

Happy Junk Food Day! Gonna eat my Ruffles Texas Barbecue later, heheh.

W. T. F. , or Believe Me, I'm Lying

So remember the headphones I just got?

ZeWei had to go to the dentist in Orchard, so he offered to go look for headphones for me cos he needed some himself. So, great, sure.

So he called me when he was done with his dentist apointment, and he told me the brands around, and then finally he went to one shop and took a look at all those lousy brands. Then I told him to ask the shop keeper for the better ones. He went to ask, and the shop keeper returned with two headphones, a Creative (mine) and a Philips. I asked which one the shopkeeper recommended, and the shopkeeper said the Creative. So I told ZeWei to go ahead and buy it. It cos it a whooping SG 70.50, quite happy with my purchase, but feeling somewhat cheated.

ANYWAY, today went out with ZeWei and Kai Shin to Vivo cos we were craving for some Carl's Jr (Big. Burger.). After that we were walking around and I said let's go look at some electronics. So hey, look we found my headphones on sale, and I looked at the price tag and almost collapsed.

S$21.20.

I felt like killing ZeWei.

Goes to show, you want something done properly, go do it yourself.

I've wasted abour 50 bucks for trusting in other people!! AH!!

To The End?, or Pressure

It is an understatement to say it is boring here in boarding school. The atmosphere is so draggy and it creates all sense of fun to quickly disappear, because we either know it's going to end or that it's not too last or that we couldn't have it to what we wanted too.

So my week has passed. I just need the next weeks in front of me to pass on quickly and then I'll let it slow down a little bit. Right now, as usual, the only thing to look foward to is the Weekend, because then I get to do nothing. Which doesn't usually come easy here.

Just got new earphones from Creative, pretty good. They're the type where u can attatch to your ear or something. You know, the one that curves around your ear. Go Google the Creative EP 510 I think. So I can like go lead my "active" lifestyle without worrying about it like falling off, plus the sound quality is pretty good too. Finally got the good pair of earphones I've wanted for ages. Heheh.

A lot of things going on this weekend, but sadly I'm unable to attend. So far away on this island of the main. This wretched island. I have had extra classes almost everyday this week, and I have one tomorrow on SATURDAY, so I'm lucky I live in the school, or I probably couldn't convince myself to drag my carcass out of bed to go. So yeah. Do I still wanna go home? Duh.

Maybe I'll stay the end of the year? If I do, then I won't be obliged to pay back all of the money that I've used to pay school fees and stuff from the government. And if I drop out at the end of the year, the thing is, my mum won't be able to do anything about it. And my mother, if you do not know Aunty Chiu well, is a manipulative woman who acts behind people's back to get people to do things for her. Sadly, though, I'm her son, and I do the same thing, so things she doesn't think I know, well, I do. SORRY MOM .

In the meantime, though, here's a fabolous idea: Visit me in Singapore! Like Gabby's doing? Doesn't that sound like a great idea? Take AirAsia or Jetstar budget airlines during the August holidays, I'll be here, but you can too! Please...

So what's it going to be?

Only In Malaysia, or Crazy Train

After reading this five times, I still find this hilariously funny. Only if you understand Malay, sorry :) 

Enjoy!

Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu.

 

Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?

Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!

Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.

Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!

Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?

Murid : Faham, cikgu!

 

Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.

Murid : (senyap)

Cikgu : Pandai!

Murid : Bodoh!

Cikgu : Tinggi!

Murid : Rendah!

Cikgu : Jauh!

Murid : Dekat!

Cikgu : Keadilan!

Murid : UMNO!

Cikgu : Salah!

Murid : Betul!

Cikgu : Bodoh!

Murid : Pandai!

Cikgu : Bukan!

Murid : Ya!

Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!

Murid : Oh Hamba!

Cikgu : Dengar ini!

Murid : Dengar itu!

Cikgu : Diam!

Murid : Bising!

Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!

Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!

Cikgu : Mati aku!

 

Murid : Hidup kami!

Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!

Murid : Akar lama tak tau!

Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!

Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!

Cikgu : Kamu gila!

 

Murid : Kami siuman!

 

Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!

Murid : Kurang! Kurang!

Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!

Murid : Belum! Belum!

Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?

Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!

Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!

 

Murid : Oh! Mengalah!

 

Cikgu : Kurang ajar!

Murid : Cukup ajar!

Cikgu : Habis aku!

Murid : Kekal kami!

Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!

Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!

Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!

 

Murid : Belum, pandai!

Cikgu : Berdiri!

Murid : Duduk!

Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!

Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!

Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!

Murid : Cerdik kami tu!

Cikgu : Rosak!

Murid : Baik!

Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!

Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!

Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)

Only in Malaysian classrooms!
 

Start the Wreckage, or Gives You Hell

Bring it on, then. Come with your best, cos' mine's a big piece of needless burden.

Surreal 72, or Anyone of Us

Hour 1-2

Was probably playing Kingdom Hearts 358 over 2 days.

Hour 7-15

Was at school. Didn't do anything of much importance. At the end of school I went to see Fanny Tan to tell her I was leaving tonight. She and Chia Bee Tek gave condolences and stuff. Yeah.

Hour 15-17

Went to Funan. While walking across the street (typical jaywalking Malaysian, me) I almost got ran over by a motorcycle, which I thought would never happen. But it almost did. Bought speakers, a new headset and duo adapter for Nick. Ate Mc Donalds at Funan, then went back to the hostel.

Hour 17-18

Arrived back. Started packing and sorting my belongings out. Dad told me to wear long white sleeve shirt and black pants for the funeral, so I packed both of those in. Took a shower and got ready to go.

Hour 18

Went to wait at the bus stop. Suddenly remembered I forgot something, so went back to the room to get the thing. Left my luggage at the security post so I didn't have to drag it all the way back to the room. When I went back to collect him, the security guard started a conversation with me. Asked me how I got into the school. I told him the process, and he started talking about religion. Said he was a free thinker, and he knew a lot about religion. When he went to the some community work in Thailand or something, somebody asked him what race he was. He answered "Human Race". Interesting answer, because we're all the same really, same blood. He said, "I can be any race I want! I represent all the races! I can be Indian, Caucasian, Chinese (he was Chinese)..." Interesting theory. 

Hour 18-20

I got onto the MRT on to head to the airport. On the way, the MRT stopped in the middle of a tunnel and uttered the words, "Tiong Bahru. Please mind the platform gap." Some people laughed, and alot of us went "What?" The intercom went of and informed there was a line problem up at Bugis station. Whatevs, right? 

It happened again. And again.

I arrived at the airport at 7.50. My flight was at 8.20 at the budget terminal, and that meant I had to get a bus to the budget terminal from Terminal two. I waited for awhile, but the lousy bus didn't come. I called mum, and she advised me to ditch the flight and try and buy the flight at 8.50 from AirAsia. Ran to the Skytrain, and it just left. I had to wait AGAIN and got on. When I went to the Airasia booking counter I waited for AGES, and the line didn't move because some genius with a blackberry was taking his sweet time doing God knows what.

When I finally reached my turn (some nice guy let me go in front), they informed me that they stop selling tickets 45 mins before the flight. I pleaded but they didn't sway. I proceeded to just sit there at the airport in despair. Felt miserable and like crying. I was going to miss my Grandfather's funeral the next morning. Never had I missed a flight before, and this was probably the most important one so far. My granpa's funeral was a t 9.00 in the morning.

After considering many options (Fly to Kl- KK, Fly from SG-KK) I went back to Godma's house, feeling like the most unfortunate guy on earth.

Hour 21-24

After searching ONCE, found a flight from JB to KK at 7.10 in the morning, arrives at 9.30. I would be a little late, but at least I would still be there. Since it was less then 24 hours before the flight, I couldn't book it online, and would have to go directly to JB and purchase it. Godma asked her friend in AirAsia marketing to help her out. She directed Godma to another guy who actually allowed Godma to charge the ticket to her Credit Card, so in the end I WAS allowed to book it online, sorta. Watched Death Note abit then went to sleep.

Hour 27-31

Woke up at 3. Godma's brother said he would send me to JB. Thank God for him. Finally took off my contact lenses (Godma's house had no solution or eyedrops... Sad) when Ling (Godma's niece) brought back eyedrops at 3. Left the house at 3.30. Most of the way it was quite deserted (it WAS early) and passed customs with ease. At Senai airport in JB, waited till the counters were opened. Play KH for awhile until it opened. I was the second to check in but I got row 31 (the last row). *sigh. Waited again till the gate opened and quickly boarded the plane. Never before been so happy to sit in a plane. Then some lousy lady (had a Chinese surname but a Muslim first name) apparently didn't have her luggage because her child didn't come, and I didn't know what was going on, but the flight was delayed for another 15-20 mins. Usually I would be, whatever, but I NEEDED THIS FLIGHT TO HURRY UP AND GO. When the plane took off, I fell asleep on and off the flight, was exhausted.

Hour 33

Touched down in KK. Since was in the last row, my heart sank so low, as I would be one of the last to go through immigrations. THANK GOD they opened the back of the plane, so I managed to make off quickly, passed through immigrations with no one in line, ran to the car (had no check in luggage) and changed in to Funeral clothes.

Hour 33-34

Arrived at Stella Marris. Couldn't see where the family was sitting, so searched for them for awhile while the father was speaking. Saw Evan with kakak, so went to them. Saw mom and sat down to wear my contacts again. I only missed the sermon (which mom asked him to preach for abit longer so I wouldn't miss much. The paying of the last respects came, where everyone when slowly to say their goodbyes to my grandad. Those of us with the cloth pinned to our shirts, that is, relatives, went first. Then everyone else went. We dropped flowers into his coffin. But what saddened me most was that even the maids of all the cousins family's were also weeping and breaking down. That was sad. Then me and the rest of the immediate family went to the coffin as they did the final drilling. We said our final goodbye to our grandfather/father/father-in-law, David Chee. Evan didn't understand what was going on, so when dad asked him to say goodbye to Gpa, he said, 'Buh Bye, Kung Kung." I cried again.

Hour 34- 37

We scooted on over to the Foo Look Siew funeral place, where a large number of our family was buried. Over there everyone's mood lightened up a bit where we just talked about random things for awhile with the cousins. Everyone obviously asked me where I went, how I missed my flight, and I malas wanna go tell them so I'm blogging about it now. They then cemented Kung Kung inside, and we burned our candles for him and took off the cloths pinned to our clothes and placed it for him there in atop the tomb. After that, everyone was about to leave. I stayed behind for awhile and talked to Kung Kung. I told him I made it back, I told him goodbye. I hope he's doing well.

We went for lunch at Wong Kok restaurant, all of us. After that, we went back to Poh Poh's house where we had to wash our face and hands with Pamelo water, then we combed our hair three times. It's some sort of tradition, which mum was watching with disapproval, but hey, it's tradition, right? After some useless banter we left.

Hour 38-42

Went to Asia City for a haircut which was due for awhile. After that went to pick Kim and Kah Mun from from CP (yeah, apparently Kah Mun's back. She was at the funeral, but I didn't recognize her at first, but yeah). Then we went to Wisma Merdeka so I could get my facial done. You can imagine I was so tired that I actually fell asleep in the facial. After that, me and Kimbo went home and got ready because at 7 oclock had to go to Poh Poh's house for the praying for 7 nights for Kung Kung's passing. Tried to get a bit of sleep, but didn't.

Hour 43-46

At the house, the cousins sat at the staircase (I nicknamed us "The Stairway Club"). At they prayed for ages, doing the Hail Mary God knows how many times, and yeah. I just kinda sat there. Then when it finished, we all ate kuih and just talked abit lah. Then I went home to sleep because...

Hour 54-63

Today was Bazaar day at SM All Saints. Went with Kim to school at 6.30, then had breakfast with dad. Aaron Mah saw me first, so there goes big surprise. But hey, in the end I did get my surprise on. I got the glance of confusion look from so many people. Jho hugged me, then we went to the 4A stall, which was opposite the 3A stall. When I got there, they all shouted my name, and Elf hit me cos I pretended I wasn't coming home XD Then I went around saying hi to everyone else, hugged more people, surprised alot of people, spent money, and did minor catching up. Major highlits:

- Convinced Farid to let me throw a pie at his face. Didn't kena, but hey, a bit splashed his face.

- Threw balloons of paint at Luiz

-Played Tap Tap Revenge with my awesome new speakers

- Dad came and brought Evan, some people saw him for the first time

Yeah, then it rained pretty hard, then to the close of the Bazaar the free stuff give away/ insane discount sale went on, but by that time I spent my coupons already. Walked around with Nise abit, then we just went back to the 4A stall to take pics with everyone.

Hour 63-67

Went home with Kim and Kah Mun who had also turned up. While Kimbo did who knows what, me and Kah Mun talked alot. I told her about my predicament in Singapore, and I guess she does understand a tad bit.

Showered and got ready, cos dad was taking us out for dinner.

Hour 67-68

Had dinner at some place where they serve western, but it's like a coffee shop. It's called Archie's, I think? Forgot what that area's called, but I'm definitely going back again. Evan also apparently has his own portable DVD player, because he can't eat without some form of distraction. I know this to be true, because went we went with him to @tmosphere, A. Joyce had to let him watch random videos on her handphone while she fed him porridge.

Hour 68-69

Went to Poh Poh's house again for the prayer thingy. Luckily had Kimbo there, so had someone to talk to.

Hour 69-70

Went to church to surprise everyone at youth. I'm doing this surprising thing a lot. A lot of them were inside for the briefing on their interior mission trip.

Hour 70-71

Went to Damai for supper. Sadly, Eklektos wasn't there this time. They were at Salim or something like that. Yeah. Didn't have that much of a supper, wasn't in a very good mood.

Hour 71-72

Went to bed a bit early. That night I did some serious thinking. I really hated my life in Singapore, that was certain now. It destroyed many things that I worked so hard to establish here in Sabah. Everyone assumes I want to return because of my friends and whatnot, and they always say "They're going to leave in a few years anyway." Hello, I'm not that shallow. And I'd rather spend what's left of my destroyed childhood with them then here. 

My 72 hours past were the most weary for me, mentally and physically. I barely got any sleep, and the events that whizzed on by did nothing to help me stay awake. 

Now, I'm back here again. But I want to leave so bad. 

I don't know what this situation is going to drive me to do. Desperation knows no bounds.

And believe, I'm THIS close to being quite absolutely desperate.

Yeah. Or Memory

I'm new to this death thing, having being fortunate enough to have all my family members and close people 'intact', so forgive me if I mourn a little. Tell me how to deal with it, though.

Tell me how you would feel if you were miles away from your dead grandfather, David Chee, in a foriegn country in a place you hate. Tell me. Please. Do.

I'm happy, though I got to say my goodbyes. I visited him before I left for this hellhole with my dad, stepmum and my half-bro, Evan (Kim had some appointment, she cancelled what would have been her last moment with her grandfather to do some project in Coffee Bean). My grandparents live next door to my cuzins, so we went to my cuzins house for dinner, and after that I went over to see my grandad.

He was in a fragile condition. He couldn't even cough out his own phlegm, there was a device on the bedside table for that. He looked like a skeleton; His legs were thin an you could see where the skin was sticking to the bones. Two weeks prior to this, we visited and he could remember my name and my birthday. But, this...

So it was planned for me and my sister to play the piano for him, but because we couldn't bring a piano into his room, I played the guitar for him instead. We sang When You Say Nothing At All, which was because my dad new the chorus and because I'm familiar with the chords (Teacher's Day All Saints). We then sang Silent Night as the rain fell gently down outside. Not so Silent, but hey. It's another song I can play.

And knowing it would probably be one of the last times I would ever see my ancient father's father, I said goodbye, truly and properly.

I know his death will not be as publicised as Micheal Jackson's death, and important people will probably not say come to his funeral to say good things about him. But hey. David Chee was a man who survived the Japanese invasion, worked for a priest in the church, helped in errands for the church, went to Labuan, met my Grandmother in a hospital there, and from there my father came into being and eventually me. It's not as impressive as being accused of being a pedophile, or changing your skin colour.

He doesn't need all that to be my grandfather.

Let me weep alone.

This, Hopefully,or Up And Up

It's Friday and I'm back... In my hostel. My 'School Break' plan, unsuccesful, but still proving something, has set the motion of my future now.

It was Youth Day Celebration today, so we were allowed to wear normal clothes to school, so I wore long black pants, grey shirt and my ACS windcheater. Lucky for me, Daniel and Darwin were at school, and we got free ice-cream, so all in all, an okay day for me. And the prospect of a long weekend (Monday is a holiday in lieu of Youth Day, it's kinda dumb) has me in slightly higher spirits than the rest of my week.

With all humility, I think that the 3.17 guys were happy to see me. Well, some of them anyway, when I saw them today. Jack jumped on me (no kidding) and hugged me, and Sean and John did too. I miss those guys. I miss you guys!

Last night, Mr. Phee was going around collecting fines for those who didn't go down for dinner (Mdm. Grace exempted me. She cares!). We eventually had a long talk about my hiding underneath my table (when I was hiding underneath, he actually walked in front of it and checked something, then he walked away. I was thinking, OHMIGOSH DONT FIND ME PLEASE. He didn't.) and he laughed when I demonstrated how I hid. He then had very interesting advice for me. He advised me to go learn where I could flourish. This is an interesting thought, because he is one of the only people who talked to me who gave me another opinion ( differing from 'STAY STAY STAY'), and I'm not saying this because he supports me or anything. It's because he can see this from an alternate viewpoint.

God bless you, Mr. Phee. You're an awesome teacher and halltutor :)

Let me enjoy me weekend, while I plot on my return. Say hi on MSN or Facebook or whatever to me. AND MUM, CALL ME.

Flight or Fight, or Untitled

I think it's great sometimes that we can't change what we've done. Sure, sometimes we look back and say, 'I wish I could change that.' But looking back, I know that changing anything will just complicate matters and if you wnat to change something, what would you change? Everything? A little thing? Which detail would you alter? And if you were to decide that you were'nt brave enough, it's awesome that you put you foot forward and you can't turn around again, because the engine has been set in motion.

(Random note, thank you all for commenting on my various posts. I find it so much more meaningful than chat-boxes.)

Once I returned from my month long vacation in my beloved hometown, I... I don't know. I was dissapointed? Maybe because my mum changed my flight (eventhough she doesn't admit it) to a day earlier? Maybe because I had a taste of nostalgia and I didn't have my fill yet? Honestly, honestly, honestly, I dare not confirm on that matter. Because, truly and Honestly, I do not know. I spent my whole Saturday watching Gossip Girls (I mean it, the whole day). I set not one foot outside the room, watching late into the night and finishing the first season on Sunday morning. For want of something better to do, of course. I felt bleak; My future felt bleak, I made plans to run away, plans to escape from my prison, plans to show my mother that for once, I controlled my life. Not her.

I did not. But on Monday night, I decided, this shall be mine. This blueprint shall be propped up into real life where the drafts are the ideas that I had, and the materials the actions I would use to construct my freedom. I didn't attend school on Tuesday, and that day went by uneventfully. Come Wednesday morning, tho, and I had search parties looking for me, in the school, in the boarding school and what not. I'm surprised, actually, I thought that they would have found me sooner, and that they would only realise my absence much later.

To trim the story down to size, I seems I have troubled my teachers, my superiors and even my friends. I take this opportunity, to anyone invovled, to give my deepest apologies. My actions have caused worry and have taken time, and I feel sorry.

However, I am not sorry for what I have done. My plan to get expelled from Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) is, of course, to get expelled, and the bigger the fuss created, the larger the chance of me packing my bags. I feel sorry for causing harm, but not to me, only to everyone else.

Why, you ask? Why choose to quit from one of the best schools in Singapore? Why give up what millions of other boys would give up their lives for? Firstly, I am not one of those million boys. I am the chicken who has been given an emerald. I appreciate it's shine, but to me it is something that I just can't use.

I know that the mentality of the world is to grow up, and get a good education. Once again, I believe that the path tireless work is not for me. People may say I am weak, or that I do not strive for my goals, but I digress. I am not one to 'give up'. I feel that to take the easier route out, though not always the best, has always been comfortable for me. Really, I feel I would do much better outside of school, teaching little children phonics, helping plant trees, writing and reading; These may seem the dreams of an underachiever, but they actually do mean something to the people you aid, unlike multi-millionares who live solely for their lives, job and companies.

I know that my life will never be the same after today, and I know the consequences of my actions. Whether or not I fail or succeed, whether I fight or flee, I appreciate all the friends and teachers I have made and met (respectively) in ACS(I). They, actually, are genuinely worried about me. They think I am upset about my move from IP to Express.

It goes way deeper than that, friends. I am not that shallow.