Americans Are Retarded (Like You Didn't Already Know), or Crazy

I was in prep (as usual, playing L4D in super-lag-mode), when Ryan showed me this link, which, I find absolutely laughable at. I mean, haha. I just laughed. That's how bad they are.

It's on the 30 craziest lawsuits, and, believably, they're all American. I think the judges in America must be utterly mad, or retarded, or crazy, or a combination of all three.

Here are some of the good (bad?) ones...

Sued after getting stuck on the house he was robbing
In October 1998, A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was exiting a house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re- enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.

(WHAT. LAME)

Sued a restaurant after she slipped on a spilled drink
In May 2000, a Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

(Isn't it her fault in the first place? What did the restaurant do?!)

Sued Mazda because it failed to provide instructions about the seatbelt
Mary Ubaudi of Madison County, Ill. Ubaudi was a passenger in a car that got into a wreck. She put most of the blame on the deepest pocket available: Mazda Motors, who made the car she was riding in. Ubaudi demands "in excess of $150,000" from the automaker, claiming it "failed to provide instructions regarding the safe and proper use of a seatbelt." One hopes Mazda's attorneys make her swear in court that she has never before worn a seatbelt, has never flown on an airliner, and that she's too stupid to figure out how to fasten a seatbelt.

(This one is kinda self-explanatory)

So yeah, click here if you want to check out the rest. I'll waste your time, sure, but what a great way to waste it! FSM!

The Portrait of the Past, or How I Go

If you think about it now, we wouldn't really know what's going to happen a year from now, do you? No, you, me, we, have no idea at all.

I wouldn't expect to be in Singapore, during prep time, typing this blog post, for starters.

No one would have guessed that Obama'd be the first black president of the United States.

I couldn't believe that Dean would get taller than me.

Who would've thought I'd spend my birthday alone?

I never thought I could Facebook so much (Result of horrible boarding school life)

Did you know that Micheal Jackson would die this year? Would you even guess it was this close?

I thought that my grandfather would live forever.

I never thought that my book would finally get published.

I thought I would hate flights only when I was a lot older, but I hate them already.

On a similar note, I never thought I'd miss a flight, ever. I missed two this year.

I never thought that I would lose my emotions.

I didn't think I would jailbreak my iPod.

If you told me I would ever run out of money because of foolish spending, I would laugh.

Never, ever would I think that my faith would be lost.

Who would give a thought that the language systems for math and science would change back?

Couldn't have guessed that feeling so lonely was this bad.

Who'd have known that Ellen would be the new American Idol judge? Certainly not me.

I think even, maybe, when I come back, I won't be the same. I don't think you'll ever see me smile as much as I did back then.

Usually I'm quite a happy guy, right? Or maybe I was. If I saw myself back then, I would slap myself and shake him so bad, and then both of us would probably get in a fight. But. That doesn't really make any sense. Whatever.

Heard the phrase, "Life is so much better when you're happy to be alive"? I so totally agree. I just wish it was that way for me.

Seriously, I don't think anything could make me feel genuinely unconditionally happy. Not even to go back home.

Wow, I just realized how depressing that sounds. I don't wish I could relive my life.

Sadly, I just kinda wish I didn't exist.

You lost it? You lost my ring?

THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER, or Hallelujah

Have you heard of FSM?

No?

REALLY?!

SINNER!

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (or FSM for short) is a true religion, which was formed when the Kansas State Board of Education made a decision to require the teaching of an intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution in ublic schools. Since nobody specified who the Intelligent Designer was, some genius call Henderson professed that there is a supernatural creator, FSM. He asks that the Pastafarian theory of creation be taught in science classrooms.

This portait is titled "Touched by His Noodly Appendage". Looks familiar? It's a parody of The Creation of Adam.

There is actually a Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster

And there are actually followers of the 'religion'. If you're interested, go Google it.

I'll never eat spaghetti again XD XD

Even Though We're Not Talking We Kinda Still Are, Blame The Internet, or Makes Me Wonder

Don't you hate how bands come up with ridiculously long names like that for their songs? Then you're like, "Hmm, I like that beat, I love the tune, I remember the lyrics, what's the name of the song, though?" Probably something completely unrelated to it. I hate it, because when I search for a song on my iPod I go, "Hmm. Now what's the name of that song that goes da da da?" I don't know.

Anyway, I gathered from my stay here at Singapore that I don't know whether I'm gaining or losing weight. Swapnil said i gained weight. Mr Phee (Prefect Master) said I looked thinner, and so did Ryan (roommate). Screw Swapnil lah, everyone looks fat to him. Skinny chap. I'm probably going to ask more people to see what they say.

I'm slowly eating a bit more now, nothing compared to what I used to eat back home. On my sister's blog there's a post on finishing a Vermonster over here. If I could bring any three other people with me, I'd bring Raymond Goh, Jonny Boy, and, well, Kim, of course. Have you seen her eat lately? Me and Kim won the bannana eating competition during Bannana Night in 2007. So beware! Haha.

I can't sleep though. And ever since I jailbroke my iPod Touch, it probablly got a bit worse. Now, I'm up reading books, playing Tap Tap, worrying about the future, playing Tap Tap, playing the Sims 3, playing Tap Tap, you get the picture. I hate nights, though. You have to wake up. And if you're guarenteed something unpleasant when you wake up, it's enough to make you wish you

never did.

OH well. I wonder what the future holds. More weight? Or less weight? Thanks to my scary metabolism, I don't know.

What? Tuaran Mee.

"THE" Final Whatever, or Rough Landing, Holly

Today I went with Tammi to watch The Final Destination

In 3D!

Haha, the movie here is actually rated at M18, so I needed Tammi's help to enter the movie. Apparently when she bought the tickets (I was hiding somewhere), they just asked her, "You're above eighteen right?" and passed her the tickets anyway. Huh.

Anyway, when we went to go buy drinks and all, she ordered a 'medium' popcorn and I ordered a 'large' drink.

HAHA. Huge, right?

So whatever, we entered the hall without any glitches, and I was super happy I bypassed the Singapore laws (THAT'S RIGHT SINGAPORE, I JAYWALK AND GO INTO MOVIES IM NOT ALLOWED TO! HAH! I'M MALAYSIAN!!!), so I almost shouted out loud, but Tammi was there to control me. Hah.

Anyway, the movie was kinda dissapointing. Not to be sadistic or anything, but I kept on laughing at all the wrong parts, like people were dying and shit. I don't know, but it was just really fake (like the part where all these flammable liquids spill all the time), and i just found it superbly funny. The 3D parts were pretty cool too, I guess. Meh. Whatever.

I really wanna watch "9"! Looks really dark!

It's a Tim Burton film, probably gonna try and catch it.

So yeah, after that, was thinking of how I could make "Final Destination: Singapore". I would use :

The Singapore Flyer

The Cable Car (Sentosa, Vivo)

The Merlion

The Ion Orchard

And I don't know, chewing gum? Just to prove that Singapore isn't as safe as it is :D Hmm.

Random Videos, or Blame Me! Blame Me!

I got bored, so I'm just going to post some videos I found in my phone.

If you've seen before, see it again, and if you havn't, well, enjoy :)

This video is of Dylan (Referred to as Dylan the Great) asking me to play with him. And my Godma scolding him after that.

This was the performance we did for the ASEAN Dance, the two songs are "Fly" and "Just The Two Of Us"

And finally, a video of me playing Lady Gaga Revenge, Just Dance (Hard), with only one hand. It's fun, because there are 4 places to tap instead of 3 now.

Enjoy! Or don't enjoy.

Well Now, or Papparazi

Hello, late night blogger here.

I'm at my godma's house now. This place, like most privately-owned Singaporean apartments, is small, but there's still leg room. I'm not complaining, nay, I have a place to escape (cos Kai Shin went back to Sarawak, I have nobody to talk to anymore) to on my lonely holidays.

What's interesting is not the house itself, but it's inhabitants. Apart from the two-legged creatures, there are three animals residing in the home.

The first is, of course, Dylan the great. He is a golden retriever, and he probably gets more attention than Taylor Swift. Everyone in the neighbhourhood knows him, and when we take him out to town (yeah, we do that) people usually point and stare, and some paranoid ladies run away, dragging their children away. I want to laugh at them, really, but maybe they've been attacked by a dog before? I don't know. But Dylan's a harmless chap, really. If he was a king, he wouldn't be a Aragorn type. No, he'd be one who slept and ate and took walks around his kingdom. That's him. But everyone loves him anyway.

Second comes Koko, a pug. Koko is a female pug, and she constantly looks sadly at you, without meaning to. Her owner went away to work for a while, so she became sort of a fixture at the house. Apparently she has a slip disc, so I'm not supposed to make her jump or anything.

Lastly, comes Thomas, the cat. Yeap. You read correctly, the cat. Thomas was acquired by Adora, my Godma's maid, who loves cats more than she does dogs (but she loves Dylan too. I mean, it's Dylan the Great we're talking about), and she took him off the street and brought him home, without consent from my godmother. But Godma, being Godma, let him stay anyway. He doesn't stop moving, and he attacks invisible enemies wherever he goes. He enjoys also clinging onto your leg. (I think I'll just make a video of him this holiday)

Oddly enough, these animals co-exist in a happy environment. Dylan was always good with cats, he never barked at them, and if you remember my earlier post, cats seemed to follow him when I took him out for a walk. Thomas took some time, but he grew up around Dylan so in the end he's okay with dogs. He sometimes eyes Dylan oddly when the dog is asleep. Koko is too small to care.

And oh, I wrote an article for my godmother, you can check it out here. Pandai Pandai lah, yeah. You should be able to find it.

What A Waste, or Holiday (Green Day)

So I'm on holiday now. Yeah. I have more than a week of boredom, and nothing to do, since I can't return home for my holidays. Will return to my godmother's house, where I will live in a deplorable state for the next week, constantly online, and playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for God knows how long.

What am I going to do? Not much, I have no money to spend, partly my own fault, but still, I do wish I had more cash. I want to watch Final Destination, so I shall save up now, and spend it all (because 3D tickets don't come cheap here). Won't be going out much, so yeah. I miss home.

Please check out my Reader's Blog, Escapist World, link found on the right, for stories by me and my colleagues. I should be writing a bit, as I have nothing better to do. For now, at 2.57 am on Saturday morning, I shall waste a bit more of my time on the computer, then get back to Lady Gaga Revenge on my newly jailbroken iPod, where I will master the four fingered unlockable stage. I have no life, shoot me.

This is me in Singapore. With no life. Heck, even if I return, I doubt I'll be the same. I don't really like people anymore. I just want to stay a hermit, a loner, away from too loud noises, coming out occasionally to take the Bacardi Coke and scram.

What a waste of life, you say? It keeps from getting your hopes up too much.