You may not know it, but I'm kind of a sensitive guy. I don't like big confrontations, and when they happens, I shrink back into a small shell which doesn't exist. I'm also stubborn, selfish, arrogant, I always want things done my way, I make people feel bad when I don't get it done my way, and I have the ability to make people feel guilty about what I did, which doesn't make sense, but yeah.
But I think the hardest and worse possible trait of mine is that I just can't say
SORRY
It's a pride thing for me, must be my upbringing. I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying. Honestly I am.
I can say I can get most of this from my mum. I don't think I've heard her say sorry to me for a while now.Sorry mum :P
And although life is of course, uncertain, and fraught with clouded things that we STILL don't know, I'm going out on a limb here and just following my heart this time. No more logical explanations. No more rationalised thoughts. Too much thinking burns the brain, and staying up till 4 in the morning (and the tears are pouring) is taking its toll on me. So I'm going to stick with what I said so very long ago, which I meant then and still do now, and
all I want for Christmas is to go back to the first day I met you. So I could watch you grow up and train myself to try and resist, but I think we both know that's impossible for me.
Love bites, don't it? Better to have love and lost then to have never have loved at all? God, it hurts, but yeah. I wouldn't give up what we had for anything but a time machine.
I wish the earth would make it's stupid rounds around the sun already. I can't stand keeping myself boxed up any longer.
Stop saying sorry. I've been hurt worse.
But can't you see how unhappy I am?
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